Over the past 48 hours I have found myself being very anxious about the future.  Mentally, I've been living in June 2010. While living in 2010, I've been almost unconscious about anything going on today. I've been unaware of my surroundings. Unaware of the people around me. I was on auto-pilot. I've been absent. I'm a dreamer. And as a dreamer, I envision my goals, my plans, my processes from start to finish and then figure out where to begin. What I couldn't understand is why I was receiving little traction as I tried to move forward. I realized today that my lack of traction was God's way of trying to get my attention. Nothing was working. As I tried to save money, it would leave.

And then my girlfriend was hospitalized. I hadn't taken the time to check on her. How could I? I wasn't here. I was in 2010.  I had no idea that she was dealing with her own issues. And I feel the most incredible guilt. Guilt because I know the heart that God has given me and for the past 2 days I've neglected it. So I'm learning to be here, in the now. As much as I look forward to the future, I realize that I have to fulfill the goals and responsibilities of my present. I must BE present.