My LITTLE giant
I never anticipated that I would be talking about this, let alone dealing with it again. Especially after my doctor told me that after having my L.E.E.P surgery 4 years ago that there was a 90% chance that I would not have a recurrence of pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. We went through surgery, then several months of negative re-tests...and then the dreaded phone call from my OB/Gyn's office about 10 days after my pap visit. You know why they're calling. There's a problem with your pap smear.
The first time I went through this ordeal it was a surprise. I had nothing but negative results leading up to this time. Six months after my annual exam, I started having sharp abdominal pains that forced me to see my general practitioner. She referred me to my OB/Gyn's office. "Let's do a pap smear...I know you just had one done, but let's do one just to see," she said. What started off as being deemed "moderate dysplasia" or CIN-2 turned into a diagnosis of CIN-3 after my colposcopy. CIN-3? What is that? It is referred to as "carcinoma in-situ" (early-formed cancer that has not invaded the cells surrounding it). I had my L.E.E.P. procedure scheduled and performed ASAP. After my pre-Christmas check-up of 2008, I found out that it was back, this time as a downgraded CIN-1.
*deep sigh
My doctor (to her credit) was aggressive about treatment. We tried what I now call a "radical" treatment of using Imiquimod (used in a cream form for people with skin cancer) in a suppository form. The medicine draws your immune system to the infected area. I had to stop treatment after a week because I had a SEVERE allergic reaction to the drug. I'd rather not discuss those details...but I never cried so much in my life! We then tried acid treatments, about 3 or 4 sessions every 2 weeks. I tried some holistic methods to aid in the recovery process. We re-tested 3 months (about April 09) later to find that the cells downgraded again to "abnormal cells." We re-tested again in July 09...
*deep, deep sigh
I'm back at "mild-dysplasia" or CIN-1 and my doctor ordered another colposcopy for later in the month. The nurse called and said that my doctor will discuss things further during my visit.
How do I feel? I'm disappointed, I'm disgusted, I'm sad, I'm a bit scared, I'm confused, I'm disheartened. This thing just won't go away. I'm incredibly frustrated. I've cried everyday since the phone call I received on Tuesday. It is so hard to understand why your own body works to destroy itself. Despite my frustrations, I've developed a new respect for cancer survivors, for those who go through radiation, chemotherapy, and other forms of treatment. I can honestly say that I understand why some cancer patients choose to forgo chemo. There are some treatments (for me, it was the Imiquimod) that are just worse than the cancer you're fighting. But my hope is that by documenting this period in my life, someone will be encouraged as they go through their own fight.
Be Blessed.
The first time I went through this ordeal it was a surprise. I had nothing but negative results leading up to this time. Six months after my annual exam, I started having sharp abdominal pains that forced me to see my general practitioner. She referred me to my OB/Gyn's office. "Let's do a pap smear...I know you just had one done, but let's do one just to see," she said. What started off as being deemed "moderate dysplasia" or CIN-2 turned into a diagnosis of CIN-3 after my colposcopy. CIN-3? What is that? It is referred to as "carcinoma in-situ" (early-formed cancer that has not invaded the cells surrounding it). I had my L.E.E.P. procedure scheduled and performed ASAP. After my pre-Christmas check-up of 2008, I found out that it was back, this time as a downgraded CIN-1.
*deep sigh
My doctor (to her credit) was aggressive about treatment. We tried what I now call a "radical" treatment of using Imiquimod (used in a cream form for people with skin cancer) in a suppository form. The medicine draws your immune system to the infected area. I had to stop treatment after a week because I had a SEVERE allergic reaction to the drug. I'd rather not discuss those details...but I never cried so much in my life! We then tried acid treatments, about 3 or 4 sessions every 2 weeks. I tried some holistic methods to aid in the recovery process. We re-tested 3 months (about April 09) later to find that the cells downgraded again to "abnormal cells." We re-tested again in July 09...
*deep, deep sigh
I'm back at "mild-dysplasia" or CIN-1 and my doctor ordered another colposcopy for later in the month. The nurse called and said that my doctor will discuss things further during my visit.
How do I feel? I'm disappointed, I'm disgusted, I'm sad, I'm a bit scared, I'm confused, I'm disheartened. This thing just won't go away. I'm incredibly frustrated. I've cried everyday since the phone call I received on Tuesday. It is so hard to understand why your own body works to destroy itself. Despite my frustrations, I've developed a new respect for cancer survivors, for those who go through radiation, chemotherapy, and other forms of treatment. I can honestly say that I understand why some cancer patients choose to forgo chemo. There are some treatments (for me, it was the Imiquimod) that are just worse than the cancer you're fighting. But my hope is that by documenting this period in my life, someone will be encouraged as they go through their own fight.
Be Blessed.
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