I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

I don't quite feel myself. It almost feels like an "other-worldly" experience. I don't feel comfortable in my skin and at times I feel that my body is on auto-pilot and my spirit is sitting back and not involved in the world around me. I don't feel engaged and very disconnected from the rest of the world.

Otherwise, I'm not eating very much. I don't have much of an appetite and most recently I've felt weaker...lacking energy, motivaton, and very tired. I think its a combination of depression and not eating enough. It's been a rough few days. Its been so rough that I haven't written lately. I'm grasping for any glimmer of hope and encouragement that I can get my hands on. I had a few instances of momentum, just to have my spirits shattered by small unintending comments. Am I sensitive? VERY. I've cried every day this week. At work. At home. In the car. At lunch. Doesn't matter.

I go for my biopsy in one week.

I've taken the IP-6 Inositol twice daily as recommended by the label. I'm hoping that it made a difference. I had chicken today for the first time in 2 weeks...let's just say that I need to pick a team (vegetarian or carnivore) and stick to it.  Otherwise, I started the week on my fruits and veggies and decreased my eating to two plates of vegetable fried rice per day (when I'm depressed I tend not to eat much).  I read some blogs of women with stage 2 and 3 of cervical cancer. I never imagined that the side effects of chemo and radiation could be so horrific. But I don't want to go in that direction and plan to sacrifice my uterus (and ability to have more childeren) before that level of treatment would become a necessity. Its a scary thought. And I don't want to sound pessimistic...but the first time I went through this I was very optimistic (with my CIN-1) just to find out that I had cancer in-situa and needed surgery. I know that anything can happen next week and ultimately, I'm not in control of the outcome. And for me, being out of control is a scary thing.