Though I haven't spoken about it, I'm not going to pretend that my health is not on my mind. I often wonder what all is going on inside my body in between the rounds of tests that I do. I'm supposed to be re-tested for pre-cancerous cells again in January. I'm still living off of the momentum and positivity from my last biopsy results. I want to commit to some permanent changes in my life to help with my anti-cancer mission. I have eliminated all red meat from my diet for nearly 3 months. After the biopsy, I stopped taking my herbal supplements. Why? I don't have a good reason. I know I need to be consistent with the lifestyle change that I need to make. I don't want a knife to be the fix for every time I have a medical issue. I've lost nearly 15 lbs. from my heaviest weight and I do feel better. But I know too well that "feeling" good has no bearing on whether cancer is in your body. I trust and believe God for a complete healing, though, I am realistic in knowing that may not be His plan.  But still, I want to do my part.

It is no secret that I DO NOT LIKE AETNA, but for now, I'm stuck in a loveless relationship with them. I'm moving towards opening an HSA with them in hopes to lean more so on holistic remedies as opposed to surgical options. I'm hoping that this choice will not only be a smart move financially, but that it actually works. I think the reason that I don't talk about my health much is because I somehow believe that if I don't, it somehow no longer exists. According to the doctor, the virus will always be present in my system....though my system has the ability to fight it to the point that it  no longer shows up on tests. The honest truth is that I'm nervous about January. My own mortality frightens me. Not because I'm afraid of death, but because I'm afraid of leaving my son. I know that cancer can be fought and overcome. I've done it before. But with this round of tests, I want to face them with a stronger spirit, not crippled with fear.  So many in my family have died of cancer, some refusing to undergo ongoing chemo due to the side effects...and later dying. I don't want to go down that road. I will acknowledge the possibility, but i will not succumb to the fear of what tomorrow may not bring.