The Truth About My Faith
...ok, so don't laugh at me...
Ok...I've taken the time over the past few weeks to rant about my issues, struggles, and challenges regarding life and my job. I've gone from being sarcastic to pure electronic crying. All of this was an effort to vent my frustrations with not being able to figure out why I was going through such a difficult time. The frustration was partially related to the circumstances that I encountered, but the rest of it was the lack of understanding as to why I was dealing with so many compounded issues. I like to be in control and have a general sense of direction when it comes to where my life is going. I don't like doing things "blindly" and I feel that my life has recently been on auto-pilot...but somehow the machine malfunctioned and is roaming seemingly aimlessly. In other words, I didn't (don't) understand the direction that God was taking my life. I know generally speaking that I'm moving closer to my purpose...but what that exactly looks and feels like is still beyond me. God is taking me to places and emotions and feelings that I don't remember encountering, or encountering so strongly. I'm dealing with people in situations that has pushed me to areas that I didn't know existed. It's very uncomfortable. I sit here and think about going to work in the morning and I want to cringe.
My older sister called me (I have two) and she was venting and expressing her issues regarding her job. She has an uncomfortable work situation as well. I shared with her some of my challenges and I told her, I just don't understand what it is that I'm missing or what lesson I'm not capturing. She said to me, God is preparing you for your next step. These are things that you need to go through to help you when you get there. That is such a simple concept and it clicked. I got it.
The flip side that I need to "get" is that I'm a child of God, He is ruler of all things, and He is in control of my life. That means there is no need for me to be fearful or anxious....somewhere the Bible speaks about not be anxious for anything, but in all things with prayer make your requests known to God (I'm paraphrasing). I have to get to the point that I KNOW that God is in control, at all times, and in all situations. Because somewhere in my mind I don't believe that. Somewhere in my mind I don't believe that God can do anything. That's a hard statement to make. But it's true. I don't trust God. I don't believe He is all powerful. That is hard for me to admit. And I can say that it is true because...I am fearful. I can say it, but deep down I don't believe it. So instead of having a mind that is filled with faith in God, the parts of me that do not have that faith are filled with fear instead. How do you fix faith?
Ok...I've taken the time over the past few weeks to rant about my issues, struggles, and challenges regarding life and my job. I've gone from being sarcastic to pure electronic crying. All of this was an effort to vent my frustrations with not being able to figure out why I was going through such a difficult time. The frustration was partially related to the circumstances that I encountered, but the rest of it was the lack of understanding as to why I was dealing with so many compounded issues. I like to be in control and have a general sense of direction when it comes to where my life is going. I don't like doing things "blindly" and I feel that my life has recently been on auto-pilot...but somehow the machine malfunctioned and is roaming seemingly aimlessly. In other words, I didn't (don't) understand the direction that God was taking my life. I know generally speaking that I'm moving closer to my purpose...but what that exactly looks and feels like is still beyond me. God is taking me to places and emotions and feelings that I don't remember encountering, or encountering so strongly. I'm dealing with people in situations that has pushed me to areas that I didn't know existed. It's very uncomfortable. I sit here and think about going to work in the morning and I want to cringe.
My older sister called me (I have two) and she was venting and expressing her issues regarding her job. She has an uncomfortable work situation as well. I shared with her some of my challenges and I told her, I just don't understand what it is that I'm missing or what lesson I'm not capturing. She said to me, God is preparing you for your next step. These are things that you need to go through to help you when you get there. That is such a simple concept and it clicked. I got it.
The flip side that I need to "get" is that I'm a child of God, He is ruler of all things, and He is in control of my life. That means there is no need for me to be fearful or anxious....somewhere the Bible speaks about not be anxious for anything, but in all things with prayer make your requests known to God (I'm paraphrasing). I have to get to the point that I KNOW that God is in control, at all times, and in all situations. Because somewhere in my mind I don't believe that. Somewhere in my mind I don't believe that God can do anything. That's a hard statement to make. But it's true. I don't trust God. I don't believe He is all powerful. That is hard for me to admit. And I can say that it is true because...I am fearful. I can say it, but deep down I don't believe it. So instead of having a mind that is filled with faith in God, the parts of me that do not have that faith are filled with fear instead. How do you fix faith?
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