I had the opportunity to see the movie Precious over the past week and to say the least, it is a "must-see" movie. Though the film is not for everyone, I was able to identify with the character regarding aspects of her life and her personality. The character, Precious, was a survivor of various forms of abuse and illiteracy. Though I have not lived the range and depth of abuse as she, I can identify with the character. I was never raped by my father, but I was raped. I was never sexually abused by my mother, but I've been molested. And though I learned to read and write, I'm illiterate in understanding how to move beyond the fallout of the tramatic events in my life.  I never quite understood what people meant when they said "Give it to God." I thought that meant you were supposed to pray about it. Not until recently did I understand that giving an issue to God means to pray (talk) to God about it and trust that He will take care of it. To trust Him means to not worry about it...to move forward as if it is no longer a concern. From that point on it should not plague your mind. For me to get to that point takes about 12 hours or an overnight sleep...I'm working on a faster reaction time. I realize how much damage I do to myself by being stressed. I don't eat. I'm anxious. I don't concentrate. I don't think logically.  There are certain patterns of stress and distrust (that God can handle my situations) that I want to get out of and are purely destructive. So now I'm at a point where I believe that God can fix it, but I know I need some effort on my part to help get me there. So, with every lie that I've been told (I'm not worthwhile, I'm less than...) I need to have a scripture that I will keep with me, and repeat to myself when those lies are in the front of my mind. My mother use to tell me all the time that "...I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." (Psalms 139:14).

...it's taken me 2 hours to complete this blog entry. When I initially started typing, I felt as if I was Precious, identifying myself by my experiences...I am so Precious, so that character. But I had been praying and then called a friend back and we were able to talk. I found myself crying and in those tears I released a lot of the anxiety that I was holding. I let go of a lot of anger and frustration. I felt renewed afterward. I felt fresh and not held back. I went back and deleted half the entry and started typing where the word "Not" is in bold. I realize that my mind was transformed and renewed in that space of time. God be Glorified! And if I find myself slipping into old habits, I'll hasten to His throne. Not only am I "fearfully and wonderfully made," but I am SO PRECIOUS!